Memoir

Everytime I read a memoir, I want to write one. I'm currently reading Happens Every Day, by Isabelle Gillisie (a small part actor on Law and Order:SVU) about her marriage falling apart and getting divorced. It sounds a little cliche, and perhaps it is, but it is well written, and I always appreciate that.

I've started memoirs before. I wanted to write one in high school, I wanted to write one Junior year of College, I want to write one now.

Although this probably going to be an instance of me planning and then not following through, I think I've decided to write a memoir called Explaining Myself (because of my long history with therapy, justification, thoughts, and overcommunication with people... seeking affirmation, etc.). And I want it to be about college. I want it to cover the catastrophe that was my first two years of college (and yes, that means personal relationships and departmental shit), my new york trip, and my senior year (including other personal relationships.) Why?

I won't deny it, I want the book to be candid and open about my sexuality and the journey I've taken over the last four years with it. I graduated college without ever having had a girlfriend, and I think there is a real part of me that still sees that as some sort of failure. I also know that the lack of an acutal lesbian community or positive lesbian role models can be a serious problem (one I've honestly dealt with and still continue to deal with) and I want to share the story of a lesbian woman in a blue collar midwestern town and the individuals who helped shape her and who she helped shape. I want to talk about the departmental stuff I went through, and yes, that includes APO stuff--I want to dsicuss dealing with sexual harrassment from the physical therapist I went to at the health center, I want to discuss how One World helped me grow up in ways I can't even identify yet, how much I constantly loathed returning to Peoria, what New York meant to me, why The Oresteia was so debilitating, my decision to go to New Zealand, j-term--london, march 2009--and the months preceeding and following, christmas break when I felt called to the ministry, then researching magic in London on a whim, petty stupid drama, graduating and all the emotional trappings, stand up, etc.

I want to talk about my experience with the quote unquote "best four years of your life," and hopefully reach other individuals who didn't/don't love college, and who are looking for positive or even "normal" lesbian role models in a world of negative stereotypes and constant extremes.

I don't know if it'll happen, but I want to try. So, send me positive thoughts of stamina, because I usually start things and then shrug them off. But I think this could be a very therapeutic thing to do this summer, especially paired with seeing my therapist again once a week.

Plus, I really like the title. ;)